Three months after the last post I'm in Poland, for "work", which includes sleeping, eating, driving around, grocery shopping for 6 tough guys, some cooking attempts, sex (with only one of them!), intimacy, disappointments and happiness, chronically sore throat, low immune system, delivering fuel, occasional stressful days on which I actually really have to get some work done, among other things.

I had been waiting for Poland to happen since April. Now it's finally happening! It's been happening for a month. And I can't feel it. I can't comprehend it. I can't fully enjoy it. What's the matter with me.

I want to be healthy; I'm not. I try to be useful.

He thinks I'm a good person. Is this enough for me? I wanna be seen.

The moments when I feel hurt I say to myself "You're here on a salary." And I pray, even though I'm not religious.

Objectively speaking, everything is fucking amazing! It's my attitude that makes everything duller and grayer than it is.